Arno Schartman, a 63-year-old retired ICT director, has found renewed joy in life after the tragic death of his wife, Annemieke, and a subsequent battle with cancer. He emphasizes the importance of resilience and actively creating a fulfilling life after loss, even amidst lingering grief and guilt.

Schartman and Annemieke were each other’s first love, together for 38 years. Annemieke passed away in a cycling accident in 2021. Schartman recalls the devastating moment, the immediate aftermath, and the support of their three adult children.

In the immediate aftermath of his wife’s death, Schartman threw himself back into work as a coping mechanism. However, a bladder cancer diagnosis forced him to re-evaluate his priorities. After recovering from surgery, he decided to retire and focus on living more intentionally. He realized that work was not the most important thing after such a life event and wanted to feel free in this new phase.

Schartman then explored dating, seeking companionship and a new chapter in his life. While his first relationship after Annemieke’s death ended after a year, he found a “fantastic new girlfriend” through an agency that carefully matched them. Both had lost partners and shared a unique understanding of each other’s experiences.

He also sought therapy to address the guilt he felt regarding the accident. He had persuaded Annemieke to go cycling that day, but everyone assured him it was not his fault, but the feelings persisted. EMDR therapy helped him process these emotions and find relief.

To further cope with his grief and find a sense of presence, Schartman started swimming in the Amstel year-round, meditating, and creating a newsletter to share his thoughts with close friends. He also established regular gatherings with his children and their partners. These activities helped him reconnect with himself and build stronger relationships.

Now, Schartman rates his life an 8 out of 10 and is looking forward to becoming a grandfather. He is also moving to Deventer, seeking a greener environment and a fresh start. He acknowledges that he would prefer to go back to the past but understands the importance of moving forward and making the most of his new life. He has purchased a camper, a food forest, and season tickets to Go Ahead Eagles football, and is eager to embrace the future.