Arno Schartman, a 63-year-old retired IT director, has found renewed joy in life after grappling with the profound grief and guilt following the death of his wife, Annemieke, in a cycling accident. He shares his journey of healing, which included therapy, new experiences, and ultimately, finding love again.

The accident occurred on June 2, 2021, when a van struck Annemieke while she and Arno were cycling. Arno recalls the immediate aftermath, the arrival of emergency services, and the devastating news of his wife’s passing, marking the end of their 38-year relationship.

In the initial period after Annemieke’s death, Arno threw himself into work as a coping mechanism, seeking solace in the routine and distraction it provided. He even created a “user manual” for his colleagues to navigate interactions with him during his bereavement.

Arno reveals that he struggled with intense guilt, believing he was responsible for Annemieke’s death because he had encouraged her to go cycling that day and had braked in a way that caused her to fall. EMDR therapy helped him process these feelings and find relief.

Over time, Arno began to embrace new experiences, including open-water swimming in the Amstel river, meditation, and connecting with friends and family. He also ventured into the world of dating, eventually finding a new partner, Annet, though the relationship ultimately ended due to his unresolved grief.

After battling bladder cancer, Arno realized the importance of living life to the fullest. He retired, pursued new interests, and eventually found a new girlfriend through an agency that carefully matched them.

Now, Arno is looking forward to becoming a grandfather and moving to Deventer. He has purchased a camper van, invested in a food forest, and is embracing this new chapter with optimism. Despite the deep pain of loss, he is determined to make the most of his life.