Arno Schartman, a 63-year-old retired ICT director, has found renewed joy in life after the tragic loss of his wife, Annemieke, in a cycling accident. He shares his experiences with grief, healing, and finding love again.

Schartman and Annemieke were together for 38 years, having met as students and remaining each other’s only partners. They raised three children and navigated busy careers, eventually focusing on personal growth through courses and experiences like ayahuasca and the Presence Process. Their relationship deepened, and they enjoyed adventurous travels together.

On June 2, 2021, during the Corona period, tragedy struck when Annemieke was fatally injured in a cycling accident. Schartman recalls the horrific scene and the immediate aftermath, including the arrival of their children and the arrangements for the funeral.

In the initial period after Annemieke’s death, Schartman threw himself into work as a way to cope with the immense grief. He even provided his colleagues with a “user manual” to guide their interactions with him. However, six months later, after recovering from bladder cancer surgery, he realized he needed to start living again.

Schartman decided to retire and embrace this new phase of life. He explored dating, briefly connecting with Annet, but ultimately realized he was still too consumed by grief to fully commit to a new relationship.

Guilt over Annemieke’s accident weighed heavily on Schartman, as he felt responsible for her decision to go cycling that day. He sought EMDR therapy to process his guilt and found relief.

He also found solace in swimming in the Amstel River year-round, meditating, and creating a newsletter to share his feelings with close friends. He also established regular gatherings with his children and their partners.

Schartman is now in a happy relationship with a new girlfriend he met through an agency. They share the experience of having lost a partner and understand each other deeply. He is also looking forward to becoming a grandfather for the first time.

He is moving to Deventer, where he plans to enjoy a quieter life in a green part of the country. Schartman has bought a camper, invested in a food forest, and secured a season ticket for Go Ahead Eagles, a local football club. Despite the pain of losing Annemieke, he is determined to make the most of his new life.