The repercussions of a child’s crime extend far beyond the individual offender, deeply affecting their families and communities. Parents grapple with feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation, while also navigating the complexities of the legal system and maintaining a relationship with their incarcerated child. Support networks and open communication become vital resources in coping with this challenging experience.

One couple, Ineke and Frans van Es, shared their experience after their son Max committed a violent home robbery. Max’s life spiraled into drug addiction following Ineke’s serious health issues, culminating in the crime. Despite their efforts to help him through therapy and rehab, he continued down a destructive path. The robbery was a breaking point, leading to a year-long prison sentence that deeply affected the couple. They felt ostracized in their community and struggled with feelings of powerlessness.

Femke de Poorter’s son, Joep, was arrested with 33 kilos of cocaine in his car while working as a driver. The arrest led to a six-year prison sentence in Germany and the subsequent death of Joep’s father, who was unable to cope with the situation. Femke found support through a program for families of detainees and maintains regular contact with Joep, focusing on his rehabilitation. Her other children, however, have cut off contact with Joep, blaming him for their father’s death.

Dave Hovenga’s son, Roy, committed a fatal stabbing at the age of 17, resulting in a 21-month prison sentence and mandatory psychiatric treatment. The family faced social isolation, threats, and ultimately had to move due to the stigma associated with Roy’s crime. Hovenga founded the Sang Foundation to support other relatives of detainees, recognizing the lack of professional support available to them. Despite the severity of his son’s actions, Hovenga maintains a loving relationship with Roy and visits him regularly.

These families’ stories highlight the profound and lasting impact of a child’s crime on their parents’ lives. The emotional toll, social stigma, and practical challenges they face underscore the need for greater understanding and support for relatives of detainees. While the crimes committed by their children are undeniable, these parents’ experiences reveal the enduring power of familial love and the difficult journey toward acceptance and healing.