Family counselor Pernille Wieland advises parents to avoid punishment and be cautious with rewards, advocating for “natural consequences” to foster children’s well-being and life skills. Wieland, co-founder of Familieskolen, emphasizes that punishment is ineffective and that while rewards can be useful for changing habits, they should be used in moderation to avoid creating a sense of entitlement.

Wieland stresses that children don’t learn from punishment because it often lacks a clear connection to the misbehavior. For instance, forbidding a child who smoked with friends from seeing them is less effective than educating them about the dangers of smoking and preventing future occurrences. Punishment may seem effective in the short term but primarily teaches children how to avoid getting caught again.

While rewards can be helpful in changing ingrained habits, Wieland cautions against their overuse. Constantly offering rewards for tasks like homework or chores can lead children to expect compensation for their efforts, undermining the understanding that contributing to the household is a natural part of life.

Wieland promotes the concept of “natural consequence,” where children understand that enjoyable activities follow the completion of necessary tasks. For example, homework should be done before screen time. This teaches children to prioritize responsibilities before leisure, preparing them for participation in various communities.

Wieland concludes by urging parents to be clear and consistent while remaining flexible and providing appropriate support to their children. She acknowledges the difficulty of balancing firmness and adaptability but emphasizes that having clear expectations is beneficial for children’s development. She also noted that parents should always help their children, but avoid both over-helping and under-helping.